Positive Discipline: What Every Parent Should Practice

By now, most of you must have known that I left a relatively comfortable life in Davao and my four-year old Leia to work in Zamboanga City for Save the Children. I handle the communications of the emergency response team to the 23-day armed conflict. But that is for another post.

I was confident that I was raising Leia well, except for those times when I'm on my wits' end on how to instill discipline. As a solo parent, the responsibilities of raising her to be a complete individual all fell on my bony shoulders. I rarely spank her and I would always comfort and assure her after each episode of physical discipline. And I was proud of it - until I worked for Save the Children where children's rights are at the crux of everything we do. 

Children can't wait. - Save the Children

One of our national advisers, Ms Wilma Banaga (for Child Protection) came to Zamboanga to handle a training and I mentioned to her how her posts on Save the Children's official Facebook page made me realize a lot of things about disciplining my little one. In one of her FB comments, she mentioned that spanking is spanking whatever the purpose may be. She suggested that I download the ebook on Positive Discipline in Everyday Parenting by Save the Children. 

This ebook is priceless BUT free!

Ina-Tay Recommends: SM Science Discovery Center

Childhood is one of the best moments in a person's life. It is the time where the most meaningful memories are created both in the mind and heart. Memories that serve as a foundation that shape the persons children grow up to be. Coupled with proper guidance and education, these memories become the values and stir their imagination that gear them to succeed in the future.

Along with some members of the Davao Bloggers Society, your Ina-Tay and the heir to her stilettos Leia, were invited to the launching of the newest attraction at SM Lanang Premier - the SM Science Discovery Center. After six years of bringing the fun in science to the families and students in Luzon, this out-of-this world attraction has finally set foot in Mindanao!

Edu-tainment: Education and entertainment at SM Science Discovery Center

A Letter for Tony

Dear Dad,

This is my mandatory blog post for you on Fathers' Day. I know you will not understand what a blog post is so let's reserve it for another time. But allow me to get sentimental with this letter and tell you things which I'd like to believe you already know - only this time the rest of the blogosphere is reading. Again, I'll explain what that word means when you're feeling techie.

Dad and Ina-Tay on her 33rd birthday

Birds and the bees 2013 version

I recently stumbled on this photo on my FB personal page. As a mommy blogger, I just found it downright funny. I shared it and immediately some friends thought so too. I think it is the tech age's version of the classic birds and the bees story when kids start getting curious how babies are made.

I tried to look back and remember what my folks' response was to me when I asked them this dreaded question. I can't remember anything! I believe I was already in elementary when I began understanding reproduction and became enlightened. Now that my daughter is three, she is becoming more and more inquisitive until one night, while I was putting her to sleep, she asked me, "Mama, saan galing ang babies"? Believe me, it beats the work of an alarm clock because after I heard her question, my brain immediately went to fifth gear. Yikes, heaven help me come up with a respectable answer - pronto!

Celebrating all supermoms - Mommapalooza Davao 2013

The month of May is already here and of course, May is synonymous to Mother's Day. Here's an event for you all hard-working mommies!

Ina-Tay is very excited to celebrate being a mom along with other mothers on Sunday, May 12 for the Mommapalooza 2013 at Fuente de Villa Abrille Clubhouse, Tulip Drive, Matina, Davao City. And before I give you the many reasons why you should be here, Mommapalooza is spearheaded by Carve in partnership with Lifecasting Philippines for the benefit of Ezra Renewal Ministries' work with teenage moms. Talk about having fun while being part of a very worthy and timely cause! It is a first and we should all be proud that they are staging it here in Davao!

The day-long Mommapalooza 2013 is filled with fun events not only for you super momma but for your kids as well. These are some of the activities lined up on that day:

The how-to for child support

Disclaimer: This post should not be taken as an expert's opinion. I'm not a lawyer but I reckon someone out there may be asking Google about the matter, as my friend and fellow blogger Raine said (she's happily married  by the way). Let's just say I've been in your shoes before and want to share my experience hoping that I can help someone out there in my blogger's way of writing a how-to post. Please excuse the occasional expletives. Spare me too your pontifications, I have enough of that. 

If you are going through this right now or know someone who needs someone who has "been there been that" (hahaha), please send me an email at inatayblog@gmail.com. I can be a friend and can recommend a good lawyer for your child support battle.

- o0o -

Before we start, allow me to be blunt about this and state the obvious - it will not only be a financial battle but more importantly, an emotional one. Wounds, whether fresh or old, will be opened, you will have to recall everything that transpired and you have to be pretty resolute about seeking support from your former husband, boyfriend, partner, sperm donor and whatever you call him. It is inevitable that you will face this man, who has not only left you with a broken heart but also in a financial rut. This will be a painful ordeal but remember, you are doing this for your child/children because they are entitled to it, it is their right and you have to do something on their behalf.

Image: www.childsupport.alberta.ca

No homework, no cry

I am a child of that time where the definition of being "intelligent" was only limited to whether you can do mental Math or you can spell "floccinaucinihilipilification" without batting an eyelash. Never mind if you're good at music, sports, arts or what-have-you, back in the 80s it just didn't fit the bill. My parents jumped on to the bandwagon and set a study routine for me - on my first year in school. I still remember this pink cartolina posted on the bedroom wall where my schedules from Sunday evening to Friday afternoon were written. I was only allowed two hours of play on weekday and no TV except on weekends. I was scared of the punishment so I never tried disobeying my folks. The schedule was also imposed on my younger brother three years later but they didn't have much success with him.

Image from Photobucket

Terrible three

I call it terrible three because when she was two, I never had any trouble with her at all. She would follow what I tell her, no questions asked. People often warn me that it's looming but I had so much faith in my daughter that she will not subject me to this ordeal. Until last night.

I knew it was bound to happen one of these days and last night it did. I had a taste of an episode of Leia's terrible three at the dinner table. She refused to eat and being the Ina-Tay that I am, tried all possible tactics to get her to eat. I did the choo-choo train, flying airplane, hissing snake and what have you and all I got was her shaking her head no.

My blog, my life

Tonight I was on a frenzy inviting my FB friends to like my blog. The blogging bug has successfully bit me again. Before clicking the "LIKE" button, I think it is only but fair that you get to know what you're getting yourself into (or not)!

Yours truly and the reason for my existence

An Ina-Tay Writes is my personal blog which I started in 2009 when I gave birth and my life as a single parent began. This blog is an off-shoot of the now dead Memoirs of an Urban Drama Queen and I decided on an image overhaul. Gone was the "I-live-for-the-moment" working girl to usher in my new role as a parent. Ina-Tay is a word play of two Filipino words - Inay (mother) and Itay (father). As a single parent, I play both roles 24/7. My auto reply when people ask about my civil status is "I am an Ina-Tay"! Ina-Tay is also referred to as "package deal" or "buy one, take one". Call it however you like it but it does not change the fact that no, I am not married but yes, I have a kid.

A bum's to-do list

In a week's time my consultancy contract with a mining company will end. In retrospect, those were 12 months full of learning, self-discovery, new friendships and an awful lot of soul searching. It allowed me to gain my self confidence back after being a full time Ina-Tay to Leia and being Mum's private duty nurse when she was having her Chemo. It gave me the perfect chance to prove to myself, more than anybody else, that I still have what it takes to get things done. I will devote one entire post in the coming days telling you more about it.

People have been asking me which firm I will be transferring to. They think I have gone bananas when I tell them I'm going to be jobless when I go back to Davao. Yes, I gave myself permission to be a bum for at least a month, to be part of the Department of Labor's unemployed statistics. It is a conscious decision hence I have not moved heaven and earth (yet) to get a job.

Photo: http://themetapicture.com

So you may ask, what do I intend to do with all these time in my hands?

"Miss Mama"

"The world is full of women blindsided by the unceasing demands of motherhood, still flabbergasted by how a job can be terrific and tortuous." - Anna Quindlen

Ina-Tay and the love of her life one fine night...

I arrived yesterday afternoon in Davao for my weekend break - tired, hungry and disappointed. When I got home, Leia hasn't waken up from her nap so I took a quick lunch and in between mouthfuls explained to Mum why I haven't received my first paycheck. I was in my nega mode when my daughter showed up in the kitchen and gave me the smile that melted my heart and forgot the fact that my salary has been delayed for two weeks now.

Better OA Than Sorry

I came home to Davao last Friday from my out-of-town work looking forward to a relaxing weekend with the heir to my stilettos Leia.

When I got home nobody was there to welcome me. I immediately sent a text to Mum to ask about their whereabouts and she replied that they were in a lab to have my daughter tested for dengue fever. My Ina-Tay heart went tachycardic so I decided to call her. According to Mum, rashes started to appear on Leia's face after she woke up from her afternoon nap. I was relieved when she told me that her platelet count was normal.



Photo from the web

Educating the Head, Heart and Hands

Image courtesy of Gamot Cogon Inst. (Ilo-Ilo's Steiner school)

The renowned Waldorf Steiner education approach will soon be available in Davao City by June 2012 through the Tuburan Institute. Steiner education was founded in 1919 by Austrian Rudolf Steiner in Stuttgart, Germany. Currently, there are more than 900 Steiner-inspired schools in 60 countries.Once opened, Tuburan Institute will be fifth of its kind in the Philippines. Last Saturday, I was invited by a friend to attend Tuburan Institute's parents' orientation on Steiner education. I was hesitant at first but my curiosity got the better of me. And I'm glad I went. It was an intimate gathering of like-minded parents curious like me to understand Steiner education. Most if not all were friends of Maya and Kate or friend of friends of friends.

Motherhood and apple pie

Photo from the web.

One of the joys of being a hands-on mother is witnessing firsthand the many milestones of my daughter. Being a single mom was the primary reason why I decided to set aside my career and devote one year to raising Leia. I worked from home since I gave birth until very recently. Mum was also diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer so my "vacation" was extended because I had to be with her especially that she has undergone chemotherapy.

Anyways, back to the topic... So the stiletto-wearing office girl had to keep her shoes in their boxes for a while and settled for slippers and house clothes. I breastfed Leia exclusively for six months then had to mix feed by the seventh because my "lemons" could not keep up with the demands of my voracious feeder. I bathed her, fed her, put her to sleep and everything in between. Honestly I did miss my old life as a Communications Manager for an NGO and the challenges that went with it. But as they say, there is a mother in every woman. I never thought I would be capable of devoting all my energy and attention to one individual for two years straight. I often asked Mum when would the Lord give me a job. She told me to just wait and enjoy every minute spent with Leia because the moment I go back to work, I would yearn for those times. Mum really knows best!

Finally - Davao has its own milk bank



I found this article through the Mommy Sense FB account. This article is from Manila Bulletin online and true to their word, the newspaper does give good news! It's a milestone and a great news to mothers. Really worth sharing with all of you. Let's help spread the word.

Perfection and the $64,000 question

Photo credit: http://blog.ezinearticles.com/

I was 22 when my essay was first published on the Philippine Daily Inquirer's Youngblood. This was followed by a second essay in 2007. I remember that day at work when everything was not going well and I resorted to writing to keep my cool and sanity amidst the chaos. It was about waiting for my then boyfriend turned good friend to pop the question then eventually seeing the countless benefits of being single. The title? The question.

Fast forward to present. I'm still single but I have a lovely two-year old daughter who is my pride and joy and heir to my stilletos, Leia. Two weeks ago, my baby brother Ton-ton (he's 28, an army officer but I still refer to him as baby brother) got married. I was happy for him albeit the stresses that went with their wedding preparations. The ceremony was at Davao Chinese Baptist Church. In his message Pastor Arnel Tan who officiated the ceremony said something that struck me - "If you are a perfectionist, don't get married". Everyone laughed including me but I knew right there and then that these words will stay with me for a long, long time.

I make milk, what's your super power???

August is Breastfeeding Month!

In celebration of breastfeeding month, I've been itching to share my personal experience on being a BF mama - the pains, the gains and all the other wonderful stuffs in between.

Ina-Tay Recommends: Cetaphil Restoraderm Skin Restoring Moisturizer

 

Photo from Cetaphil website



 If you are like me, chances are you would always be on the look out for any bad habits your little ones may have developed; your pointer finger ready to say No-No! Thank God, I haven't heard Leia utter profanity or shown behavior that would give me a heart-attack. Unfortunately, no kid is perfect. On her 18th month, I observed her love for scratching (kamot). I brushed it off because there may just be an itch that badly needed to be scratched. I started to worry when one night as I was putting her to sleep, she started to scratch again until I saw the tiniest speck of blood.

Inatay "Roars" on Tiger Mom

"Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too."

                                                            Daughters, John Mayer

After watching BBC's feature on the the book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother and its author Amy Chua, my interest was immediately stirred. The book was released only last January 11 and already it has pushed a lot of people over the edge. As an Ina-Tay, I've become a cult follower of parenting books. I believe I need to have an early start so come the time I have an arsenal of how to parent Leia. So I searched the topic on Google and read Time.com's article.

Repost: Prayer for Single Moms

This is a prayer for single moms I found on the net. Blame it on my C-Section I forgot which website it was. All I know though that after I downloaded and printed this prayer, I kept it on my bedside and I read this after tucking Leia to bed. I hope solo parents out there can draw the necessary strength and courage to become the best parent our little ones deserve. Feel free to copy and print. :)