Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Motherhood and apple pie

Photo from the web.
One of the joys of being a hands-on mother is witnessing firsthand the many milestones of my daughter. Being a single mom was the primary reason why I decided to set aside my career and devote one year to raising Leia. I worked from home since I gave birth until very recently. Mum was also diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer so my "vacation" was extended because I had to be with her especially that she has undergone chemotherapy.

Anyways, back to the topic... So the stiletto-wearing office girl had to keep her shoes in their boxes for a while and settled for slippers and house clothes. I breastfed Leia exclusively for six months then had to mix feed by the seventh because my "lemons" could not keep up with the demands of my voracious feeder. I bathed her, fed her, put her to sleep and everything in between. Honestly I did miss my old life as a Communications Manager for an NGO and the challenges that went with it. But as they say, there is a mother in every woman. I never thought I would be capable of devoting all my energy and attention to one individual for two years straight. I often asked Mum when would the Lord give me a job. She told me to just wait and enjoy every minute spent with Leia because the moment I go back to work, I would yearn for those times. Mum really knows best!

I witnessed all of Leia's milestones - her first word (which was "papa" and I took it quite personally), her first un-aided step, her developing a love for books and music. I practically saw my daughter grow up and looking back, I could say the two years with her was well spent. Unlike her playmates, Leia never hits other kids and is very gentle especially with babies. She eats independently and is starting to follow simple requests like putting something back on the table. My baby is now a toddler.

If not for practical reasons, I would opt to stay at home and raise Leia myself. But I have to start earning again seriously because I need to save up for her future and be able to afford those comforts I have been wanting to provide her. As an Ina-Tay, I have to ensure I am financially sound for my child's sake. I know eventually this will happen - in fact it's starting to happen. Just last week, I was offered a job. The offer was good plus I get to work with some people from my former job. This job would require me to be away from my daughter for five days straight. I would go home every weekend.Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it.That night, while I was putting her to sleep I spoke to her like an adult. I explained why Mama has to go back to work, I assured her that it's because of my immense love for her. I asked if it was okay with her. She looked straight at me and said "oshikey" which was her way of saying it's okay. I held her tiny hand and placed it over my chest and told her "Ling, you are in Mama's heart." I would like to believe she perfectly understood what that meant. So I accepted the job offer.

I am experiencing separation anxiety. It's like breaking up with a boyfriend only it's a hundred times harder. Now I understand what actress Sophia Loren said "When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice - once for herself and once for her child."


  1. hi, thanks for dropping by my blog... felt like that before too. was in the corporate world before and then to teaching, but sadly, i had to give it all up just to become a stay-at-home mom. but never did i regret becoming one. i love every minute of being a SAHM, although there are times that i want to go back working, i still feel that i cannot do so, and yeah, i have to think twice, once for myself and once for my children. good luck on your next move!
    by the way, Bisaya diay ka? saw your Bisdak badge..

  2. hi Pinx!

    Thanks for visiting my corner and wishing me well on this next chapter of my being a mother. I'm already starting to miss being a SAHM pero krisis na man gud Pinx. Yes, bisaya kaayo ko. I blog from Davao City. :) Thanks again sis!

  3. hi! thank you so much for visiting my blog

  4. awwwww :) ka sweet oi! haha. yay! naa na ka job te! :D Congrats!

  5. @Reese - Thanks for visiting mine too sis! :)

    @Ken - thanks Ninang Ken, I'll start next week. The Lord's love and faithfulness to me even during the times I doubted Him is very humbling. Thank you for the prayers, will treat you girls to Picobello when you and Mae are home. :) God is good!

  6. I am left speechless... not only because of the excellent writing, but also because of the profound message.

    first off, congrats on your new job. More than the excitement, i know you feel anxiety. If I had a choice, i too would quit my job in the blink of an eye and just work at home. Things just aren't that easy, I guess.

    I especially love the last line..."a mother has to think twice..."

    I guess, just trust in God that things are unfolding as they should. And Leia seems to understand. At some point in our lives, we do have to let go of our kids... Like what Kahlil Gibran said in his book the Prophet: "Your children are not your children.. they come through you but not from you"...

  7. HI Lany. Thank you for swinging by at lainyonline.com. I truly appreciate it.

    The title of your blog speaks it all. I am all hats off to you.

    BTW, Lainy is my pen name at the blog. My fiance gave me that name many years back. A blogpal christened me to be Lainybelle at the blog too. They are all fond of giving me names, LOL!

    It's great to be here.

    See you around!

  8. You know what I would never exchange my being a mother to any career. As they say motherhood is also like a career, for me it is more than a career because you give everything you have. And motherhood is 24/7 ika nga. Thanks for dropping by at my site I do appreciate it.

  9. Being a mom is already a job and the most rewarding of all...I really envy you for being a stay at home mom...in my case my husband is the stay at home dad hehehe