Motherhood and apple pie

Photo from the web.

One of the joys of being a hands-on mother is witnessing firsthand the many milestones of my daughter. Being a single mom was the primary reason why I decided to set aside my career and devote one year to raising Leia. I worked from home since I gave birth until very recently. Mum was also diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer so my "vacation" was extended because I had to be with her especially that she has undergone chemotherapy.

Anyways, back to the topic... So the stiletto-wearing office girl had to keep her shoes in their boxes for a while and settled for slippers and house clothes. I breastfed Leia exclusively for six months then had to mix feed by the seventh because my "lemons" could not keep up with the demands of my voracious feeder. I bathed her, fed her, put her to sleep and everything in between. Honestly I did miss my old life as a Communications Manager for an NGO and the challenges that went with it. But as they say, there is a mother in every woman. I never thought I would be capable of devoting all my energy and attention to one individual for two years straight. I often asked Mum when would the Lord give me a job. She told me to just wait and enjoy every minute spent with Leia because the moment I go back to work, I would yearn for those times. Mum really knows best!

I witnessed all of Leia's milestones - her first word (which was "papa" and I took it quite personally), her first un-aided step, her developing a love for books and music. I practically saw my daughter grow up and looking back, I could say the two years with her was well spent. Unlike her playmates, Leia never hits other kids and is very gentle especially with babies. She eats independently and is starting to follow simple requests like putting something back on the table. My baby is now a toddler.

If not for practical reasons, I would opt to stay at home and raise Leia myself. But I have to start earning again seriously because I need to save up for her future and be able to afford those comforts I have been wanting to provide her. As an Ina-Tay, I have to ensure I am financially sound for my child's sake. I know eventually this will happen - in fact it's starting to happen. Just last week, I was offered a job. The offer was good plus I get to work with some people from my former job. This job would require me to be away from my daughter for five days straight. I would go home every weekend.Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it.That night, while I was putting her to sleep I spoke to her like an adult. I explained why Mama has to go back to work, I assured her that it's because of my immense love for her. I asked if it was okay with her. She looked straight at me and said "oshikey" which was her way of saying it's okay. I held her tiny hand and placed it over my chest and told her "Ling, you are in Mama's heart." I would like to believe she perfectly understood what that meant. So I accepted the job offer.

I am experiencing separation anxiety. It's like breaking up with a boyfriend only it's a hundred times harder. Now I understand what actress Sophia Loren said "When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice - once for herself and once for her child."