Monday, February 14, 2011

Have Baby, Will Not Date - YET!

And I don’t mean “plan” to love you for ever and ever; to live happily ever after. Be careful of men who target specific demographics, they have a confidence rating that can rival that of former Pres. Arroyo.
People may argue that the best way to get over someone is to be under another.  If a relationship doesn’t work, you can prowl until you hit the proverbial “pot of gold”. But to all single moms reading this, I want to ask you point blank – how many toads are you willing to kiss before finding your prince? I was always chided that I was too hard to please, that I was chasing fantasies about Mr. Right. Now that I have a toddler, the list of qualities I need to check before dating someone became longer. I have to be careful how I project myself, the company I keep and most importantly – the choices I make because this will have major major ramifications with my child.  

A few nights ago, an old friend was in town and asked if we can have dinner and catch up. I thanked him but declined the invite. The idea of a date means leaving Leia with the yaya. Sure I trust Kim, but it’s not the issue. I felt I’m not yet ready to go out socially. I’m still learning the ropes of being a solo parent, the last thing I need right now are distractions. I want to focus my energy raising my daughter and making her feel loved and secured. I need to make sure I’m there the moment she calls “Mama”. She is a year and a half old; she can’t sleep soundly without me singing to her. I’m 31 years old and she is on the top of my list. The “old friend” tried to talk me into reconsidering the so-called “rejection”, I told him “trust me, you’ll thank me for this”. And I turned off my phone.

Who would want to endure a date with a wreck? Not me and I don’t want to subject another individual to this ordeal. I will not be a hypocrite and say that I wasn’t crushed by the events that happened in my life almost two years ago. This is the same reason why I don’t want to rush things. I want to put myself together and get myself back on track before opening myself to mingle socially. Doing so I believe is the most logical thing to do. I want to give time for myself to heal completely. I want to strengthen the bond between me and my child before allowing a man to be in the picture, even if it’s just a date.

Don’t get me wrong, I still believe in happy endings. I’m willing to give it another shot. But I know that it’s like walking on thin ice.

Ana Santos, a journalist, blogger and a single mom herself puts it perfectly:

"They (men) have absolutely no clue that on most days, you can’t even remember if put on your underwear, much less be enticed by the idea of taking it off for someone..."

To everyone else that has found love and has a date on this day - HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

Some well meaning friends told me one time over coffee I should try to go out on friendly dates to give myself time off from motherhood. It sounded Greek to me, it simply didn’t make sense. Few years back, I would never have this much faith in myself to decline an invitation to go out. Have I sworn off men? Definitely NO! Have I kissed dating goodbye? Perhaps, until further notice.
Men may deny this but a majority of them view single moms as easy prey, an easy lay. We are viewed as lonely women desperate for attention and we jump on every opportunity to be with a man. Validating this hypothesis are those “ungentlemen” specifically looking for “single moms” to be their textmates and callmates. This is not rocket science and anyone can easily connect the dots. I mean how can somebody be more obvious of their plans?

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