Monday, October 3, 2011

Me NO Love Guru

"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." -M. Scott Peck
Few weeks ago I found myself in a very uncomfortable situation. A friend from high school sent me a text message to share her marital problems. I empathized with her thinking that all she wanted was someone to talk to and unload some of her emotional baggage. After a few exchanges, she then asked me, "please advise me what to do." Yikes! I paced to and fro hoping that I could think of a clever way to tell her without sounding aloof that she made a dumb choice to ask for my two-cents on her marriage. I would rather choose solving an algaebric equation then than to pretend and give her an advice that could spell doom for her already troubled life.

Image from the web
I've always been proud of my gift of empathy, a lot of my close friends and casual acquaintances turn to me when they have problems, well almost, since I run fast when the trouble involves finances. I went through a lot of experiences and somehow I feel that part of God's purpose for giving me those challenges was to be able to help others come their need for comfort. But to be asked for an advice on a rocky marriage is certainly not my cup of tea! For one, I'm not married. I'm a working single woman with a daughter and a blog! I'm a self-confessed commitment phobic, I duck the moment I sense a man trying to hit first base!!!

I have become a cynic when it comes to matters of the heart. Admittedly one of the reasons why I have not had a man in my life for a long time now is my distrust (and at a certain level disgust) for men. I know it's wrong and unfair to label them as such only because I fell for the wrong ones. My bad I know. It's something I'm still coming to terms with. Okay? Okay.

So back to my high school friend's dilemma. I decided to call her as my fingers can't cope with my brain anymore and there she poured everything out. Her disappointment with her husband, her hohum life as a homemaker and the new man that suddenly awakened the slumbering woman in her. I listened intently to her and made those comforting clucking sounds. I genuinely felt bad for my dear friend whom I used to devour bowls of good batchoy (noodle soup) with when we were 15 and immaculate. Obviously she has nobody to go to, not even her family. No, she has not been intimate with the man, just occasional and meaningful exchange of glances. But to me, his mere presence in the picture screams of a deeper problem within her marriage. I would not expound on it anymore as I have said enough to give you an idea of her predicament.

She prodded me to speak what was inside my mind. I shifted in my chair and transferred my phone to the other ear because it was already hot. I calmly told her that I understand what she was feeling, that I was truly sorry for her situation. I inhaled and reminded her that she is not only a wife but more importantly a mother to an amazing son. Contrary to my belief that a couple should not stay together if only for the kids, I advised dear friend that she talk to her hubby and to be honest that his actions are already causing her a lot of pain and anguish. The me in Ina-Tay burst her bubble by telling her to steer clear of the new man before they get burned by the smoldering gazes. I promised to send her some of my inspirational books hoping that it can compensate for my lack of acumen with the marriage thing. I sent it through courier the other day with a three-page letter (or novel) enclosed. I also burned a CD of songs we used to like way back in high school and a big bag of Loacker as a pick me up. I apologized to her for my limited knowledge and my inability to be her love guru.

I've been praying for her and her family since that phone conversation. I have yet to receive an update from her but I'm respecting her silence. Don't we need that especially when we are in the middle of something that causes us to lose a lot of snooze? I hope she is coping, I hope things are shifting for the better right now. Dear friend, if you would happen to read this post let me tell you again what a beautiful person you are - both in and out. You are a terrific mother, a great friend. Inside you lies unlimited possibilities. Heck, I would kill to have your lovely brown eyes and sexy curls!

Seriously now, I may not be your best bet at this but I love you and I am your friend and always will be.


  1. Gee, your friend is lucky to have you... Loacker is an excellent pick-me-up :)
    Seriously, it's difficult to give advice in such situations. But I must say,the things you told her did make a lot of sense. But I have to admit, if I were in her place, it would be extremely difficult to resist this new man. It will all boil down to her level of maturity, I guess... I wouldn't want to be in her shoes now, definitely!

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