Ina-Tay and Mr. Suave on a DATE

Photo from the web

After more than three years, I went on an official date last night.

It was with a guy I used to work with in a previous project, a guy I've known for seven years and have been good friends with. He thinks my being a workaholic is sexy and finds my straight, no BS talk funny. He was the same guy who phoned me the morning of his wedding day to ask if he was doing the right thing. I bit my lip and told him yes, it was the right thing. I was not invited to the event. You see when I started working for the project he already has a girlfriend and I knew all of his testosterone-inducing escapades so I brushed off any advances and told him we are better off as friends. I explained to him that whatever pogi points he scores with me, thanks to his great looks, are wiped clean the moment I remember that he has been all over the place and is already committed. We became good friends after that, but once in a while when our schedules would allow we have coffee and talk about his new role as a family man and the men I dated.

I bumped into him last Thursday when we had our institutional meetings at Waterfront; they also had an activity that day. As I was getting off the car at the parking lot, I saw him walk towards me and gave me a tight hug. I asked why he was there but he remained quiet then cupped my face and told me the moment he saw my car his palms started sweating. I hugged him back and we didn't move for like a minute. He walked with me inside the hotel and started catching up. The last time we saw each other was a year ago before we had a falling out. He explained but I knew the true reason for being an hour late for the friendly coffee date he himself had set. I got mad at him for not being truthful and since then stopped answering his texts and calls.

Anyways, we went to our respective appointments after our short chitchat. I saw him again at the lobby but I was busy so I told him we'll talk more come evening. After the meeting was done, he was not there anymore! I peered inside the hall they were assigned to but nobody was there. My heart sank and over coffee I shared with one of my closest female friends Mama Rose (whom I work with now) that I bumped into Mr. Suave, that I failed to get his new number and that we weren't able to say goodbye at least. The next day, I went back to the hotel for a last meeting and there he was! We hugged and said I looked around for him yesterday. He apologized and promised that he will pick me up later that night for coffee.

He showed up at around 9 o'clock and asked for Mum's permission to go out with me. He is actually friends with my family and even with my younger brother who could be the hardest person to please. While I was getting ready, he played with my daughter and asked her if he can "borrow" Mama for the night. We went to a bar and started talking because we had a lot of catching up to do. It felt very good to laugh and share stories just like the good old days. After an hour and a half, Mr. Suave shifted on his chair and asked if I was seriously dating someone. I told him I allowed no man to enter the picture when I became pregnant and focused on Leia and my new work. He joked that things would have taken a different turn if I had only given him a chance. I laughed and reminded him that I know all of his dark secrets and not even his looks could make me think otherwise. He then looked straight into my eyes and said, "If by the time you're 35 and still not married, I'll ask you to marry me."

I blinked and raised my brow, surely this guy is not serious! I joked that perhaps by that time I would look like I'm 40, hardly unattractive given the stresses at work. He told me that after all these years, he never stopped thinking about me. That he wants me not for his libido but for his heart - because he can be his real self around me. No putting his best foot forward whatsoever. With him I can say upfront that while yes he is handsome, he definitely doesn't have sex appeal. He would beg me to take another look or wear my specs just so I can see clearly and change my answer. hahaha

I asked him to stop, the talk was making me uncomfortable. If he went on further I might just start to fall for these lines. He has a wife and two adorable kids for crying out loud! He sighed and reminded me that under Islam (he is a Muslim) they are allowed to have more than one wife if he can provide for and love them equally . According to Wikipedia, Polygyny in Islam is permitted. A man does not need approval of his first wife for a second marriage but he has to let her know and she chooses to stay with him or leave him. A man is responsible to make justice among his wives and never hurts one wife to please another.The Quran states: (30:21):

“And among His signs is that He has created for you, from your selves, mates, that you may incline towards them and find rest in them, and He has engendered love and tenderness between you. Surely in this are signs for people who reflect.”

I respect Islam and the people who embrace the faith. But the idea of marrying an already married man is something I am not comfortable with. I subscribe to monogamy and that you can only promise devotion, in sickness and in health, til death do us part to one person. My date with Mr. Suave quickly turned into a debate and we were starting to raise our voices so I decided to put a stop on the matter. I thanked him for his "offer" but insisted that I would rather be single all my life and raise Leia alone than to be his second wife. That every decision I make would have major ramifications on my daughter; I am a mother first and foremost. I knew he was hurt but I cannot find it in my heart to even consider sharing a husband with another woman. I'm not cut out for that. We changed the topic lest we end the night in a foul mood. He took me home after our last round of beer and he graciously kissed my hand. I wished him a happy birthday for Tuesday before I got off the car. He smiled and thanked me for saying yes to the date. I answered I needed to go out too but was waiting for someone I know and trust.

There goes the full account of my first date after three years of turning down invitations. It was a good night with someone whom I know very well and bared chunks of me in our many coffee talks. And if he was indeed serious with his offer, well, that remains to be seen. I will update you all my dear readers - when I'm 35. That's four years from now.:) hehehe
By the way, for Tuesday - HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR. SUAVE!

"Love that we cannot have is the one that lasts the longest, hurts the deepest and feels the strongest"...